


Written By

by RosesAndEdgars



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Crack, Femslash, Multi, Slash, idk why i wrote this tbh, mulitple au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-16 00:46:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1325431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosesAndEdgars/pseuds/RosesAndEdgars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your favourite characters don't read fanfiction. No, they write fanfiction. One-shots written by your favourite characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Written By

**Author's Note:**

> Total crack fanfic I posted at FanFiction.net ages ago. Part of a series.

Once upon a time there was a really gay and short clean-freak named Levi. Levi was the best soldier in the world and he could kill titans with his swag alone. He also is really kind and caring and stuff but not a lot of people know that because he acts like he's cold and rude and he once ate my bread that was really rude of him.

One day Levi was walking down the street and he bumped into Eren, who was walking with Mikasa. Eren blushed because he's really gay for Levi. Levi didn't blush because blushing is filthy.

"Hi Levi-heichou-sama!" Eren squeaked.

Levi grunted in return.

"Get the fuck out of the way," Mikasa interrupted, shoving Levi out of the way. She thinks that she's in love with Eren but she's actually in love with me - um, Sasha, and she wants to give Sasha all the bread and potatoes in the world she loves Sasha that much.

Eren gasped at Levi's bloody face. Mikasa just punched his beautiful face. "Omg, Mikasa, what the h*ck!" Eren cried, cradling the corporal's tiny body.

"He was a pussy," Mikasa stated calmly. She was calm because she's got swaggie. It is the next level of swag. Only a few people in the world have swaggie. The level after that is called Sasha Braus. Only Sasha Braus possesses Sasha Braus, for Sasha Braus is Sasha Braus and therefore is the entity of Sasha Braus, but if Sasha Braus didn't exist she would no longer be Sasha Braus but Sasha Braus, and Sasha Braus without Sasha Braus is simply potato girl. I - I mean, Sasha is not just comic relief! She has more swag than you!

Also, her name is not Sasha Blouse.

"Oh nope," Levi moaned seductively. "I'm bleeding. Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho."

Eren shook Levi's body gently. "Omg Levi-heichou-sama, are you okay?" Eren screamed into Levi's face. Levi felt horny. Screaming fifteen year olds turn him on. "Only foxes say 'hatee-hatee-hatee-ho'! Levi-heichou-sama, are you a fox? Have you lied to me this whole time?" Eren questioned, tears welling up in his beautiful blue eyes.

Levi rolled his own eyes. "Well-"

"Is everything a lie, heichou-sama-kun? Is Jean a fox?" Eren gasped with realisation. "Holy mackerel, Jean isn't a horse!" Eren let out a piercing scream, making Mikasa suddenly hit him on the head, making fall to the floor, before slamming stale bread into his mouth, which then caused the previously-welled-up tears fall from his truly beautiful eyes. However, Mikasa ignored that situation in favour of punching Levi because he wasn't a fox and was being a lying little shit.

Then Mikasa ripped off her top, revealing glorious sparkling abs and a sports bra. "I love you Eren," she declared, shoving Eren's face into her abs. Eren wailed beautifully as he was slammed against his adoptive sister's wonderful abs while Levi continued to talk like a fox.

"Stop it guys."

The trio stopped screaming/slamming/crying and glanced at the people approaching them. One of them was Armin and another was Jean. Behind them was Sasha, with her magnificent hair flowing with the wind, and eyes deeper than the wall if you stood on top of it and imagined that the top was the surface. Her flawless skin was perfect like always. Sasha Braus was perfect. Sasha Braus still is perfect. Mikasa doesn't know it yet but she's totally in love with Sasha Braus.

"Stop fighting," Armin ordered, holding up someone's severed hand. "Kill giants not love."

Mikasa and Levi started crying. Armin was so wisdomic… wisdomish…instupid… smart? Yeah, Armin was so smart.

Suddenly Eren ran towards Jean and bopped him. "Jean, I need to tell you something," Eren said.

Jean smiled, a crazed look in his eyes. "What is it, Eren?"

"You're not a horse."

Jean cried.

Sasha, the swaggest of everyone, walked over to Mikasa, the second swaggest. Mikasa blushed when she saw Sasha. Nooo I'm not lesbian! Mikasa hissed in her head.

"Hi Mikasa!" Sasha greeted cheerfully. Mikasa couldn't believe how beautiful Sasha was.

"H-hey, Sasha," Mikasa stammered, her heart pounding. Sasha skipped away sexily.

I'm not lesbian I'm not lesbian I'm not lesbian I'm not lesbian I'm not lesbian

"Sure you're not," came Ymir's voice. Mikasa glanced at her shoulder and widened her eyes. A mini Ymir was standing on her shoulder. "Yo, bitch."

"Ymir, don't be so mean!" Christa piped up from Mikasa's other shoulder. Mikasa shrugged and leaned against a wall, studying the interaction between the soldiers in front of her and her hallucinations. These hallucinations were actually called Lesbian Shoulder Lesbians.

"Mikasa, admit it," the mini-Ymir smirked, "you've got the hots for Sasha."

"Yeah I totally do," Mikasa admitted. Christa smiled and sparkles appeared around her.

Then Christa glided gracefully to Ymir and they started to do the sex on Mikasa's shoulder.

"Fuck off!" Mikasa snapped, slamming a hand on her shoulder. She cried out in pain; she just hit her own fucking shoulder. What an idiot. How could Sasha love her now? She felt like crying but she was much stronger than that. Wiping the Lesbian Shoulder Lesbians' remains on the wall, Mikasa decided to make her move.

Sasha grinned beautifully when she saw Mikasa nearing her.

"Sasha," Mikasa began, fiddling with her scarf. "Sasha, I… I love you."

"Oh Mikasa, I love you too!" Sasha cried, pulling Mikasa towards her. Their lips smashed together and they got married and then lived happily ever after.

"…The End."

Sasha grinned, glancing up from her book to the small crowd. Only Connie was applauding her, the rest were gaping at her with wide eyes.

"Sasha…" Eren began slowly. "Sasha, I'm not…gay."

Sasha laughed. "It's fanfiction, I can make you gay!"

Levi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I knew this was a bad idea."

"I liked me," Armin piped up.

"Where was I?" Reiner asked.

"That wasn't accurate." Mikasa crossed her arms.

"I'm not a what?"

"WE NEVER TOLD ANYONE WE WERE FRICKING HOW DID YOU KNOW?" Ymir screamed, gripping Christa's hand.

Sasha laughed again and skipped off the stage happily.

"So, whose next?" Armin question, his eyes scanning the crowd. Eren reluctantly held up his hand.


End file.
